I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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