I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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