So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
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