I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
