Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
