I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
