I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
