btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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