Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
