Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
