I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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