puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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