i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
