I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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