I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
