12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
