I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
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