I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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