I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
