mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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