SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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