No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
