At least make sure they are 18
Why
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I want her autograph on my taint
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
