So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize