he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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