you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
two words: eviction party
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
