I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
