Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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