Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize
