the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
She told me I should be a condom model.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
