he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
my shit smells like andre
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
