I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Randomize
