Taylor Swift is so right about you.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
