I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
