She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
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