she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
