i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
This girl is more easily done than said...
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
