If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
