Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
