you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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