i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
