I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
