I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
