Can i not drive my cunt home
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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