did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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