there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
