it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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