it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
