I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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