I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
