You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
