They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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