My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Use "feeling words"
Yay
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
