Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
