Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
