If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
