Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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