so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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