So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I am available for nakedness
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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