I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
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