she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize