Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
