I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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