I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
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Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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