Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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