just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Randomize
