Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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