my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
