I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
