so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
