elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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