First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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