Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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