so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
