just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
