Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
