Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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