I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
